- What's a wedding?  Webster's dictionary describes it as the act of removing weeds from one's garden - Homer

- [Meeting Aliens] Please don't eat me! I have a wife and kids. Eat them! - Homer

- It is not your fault its a bird thing. You can't control birds; one day you will but for now you have to live with it - Lisa

- They gave me this raise because of my motivational skills. Everybody says they have to work a bit longer when I am around - Homer

-  Lisa welcome to love it is full of doubt and pain and mistrust and then you find someone that you love so much it hurts - Marge

- Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try - Homer

- Scully: Homer, we're going to ask you a few simple yes or no questions. Do you understand?
   Homer: Yes. (lie detector blows up)

- How is education supposed to make me feel smarter? Besides, every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. Remember when I took that home winemaking course, and I forgot how to drive? - Homer

- Homer: Lisa, would you like a donut?
  Lisa: No thanks. Do you have any fruit?
  Homer: This has purple in it. Purple is a fruit.

- Marge: Homer! There's someone here who can help you...
  Homer: Is it Batman?
  Marge: No, he's a scientist.
  Homer: Batman's a scientist?!
  Marge: It's not Batman!

- Homer: From now on, there are three ways to do things: the right way, the wrong way, and the Max Power way.
  Bart: Isn't that just the wrong way?
  Homer: Yeah, but faster!

- Weaselling out of things is important to learn. It's what separates us from the animals ... except the weasel - Homer

- Homer: There's your giraffe, little girl.
  Ralph Wiggum: I'm a boy.
  Homer: That's the spirit. Never give up.

- Lisa, Vampires are make-believe, like elves, gremlins, and Eskimos - Homer

- [Looking at a globe map...country being Uruguay]  Hee hee! Look at this country! 'You are gay.' - Homer

- I'm normally not a praying man, but if you're up there, please save me Superman - Homer




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