- What's a wedding? Webster's dictionary describes it as the act of removing weeds from one's garden - Homer
- [Meeting Aliens] Please don't eat me! I have a wife and kids. Eat them! - Homer
- It is not your fault its a bird thing. You can't control birds; one day you will but for now you have to live with it - Lisa
- They gave me this raise because of my motivational skills. Everybody says they have to work a bit longer when I am around - Homer
- Lisa welcome to love it is full of doubt and pain and mistrust and then you find someone that you love so much it hurts - Marge
- Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try - Homer
- Scully: Homer, we're going to ask you a few simple yes or no questions. Do
Homer: Yes. (lie detector blows up)
- How is education supposed to make me feel smarter? Besides, every time I learn
something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. Remember when I took
that home winemaking course, and I forgot how to drive? - Homer
- Homer: Lisa, would you like a donut?
Lisa: No thanks. Do you have any fruit?
Homer: This has purple in it. Purple is a fruit.
- Marge: Homer! There's someone here who can help you...
Homer: Is it Batman?
Marge: No, he's a scientist.
Homer: Batman's a scientist?!
Marge: It's not Batman!
- Homer: From now on, there are three ways to do things: the right way, the
wrong way, and the Max Power way.
Bart: Isn't that just the wrong way?
Homer: Yeah, but faster!
- Weaselling out of things is important to learn. It's what separates us from the animals ... except the weasel - Homer
- Homer: There's your giraffe, little girl.
Ralph Wiggum: I'm a boy.
Homer: That's the spirit. Never give up.
- Lisa, Vampires are make-believe, like elves, gremlins, and Eskimos - Homer
- [Looking at a globe map...country being Uruguay] Hee hee! Look at this country! 'You are gay.' - Homer
- I'm normally not a praying man, but if you're up there, please save me Superman - Homer
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